Your dating profile after 40: what to say about kids, divorce and your age

The "About me" box is blinking at you. Do you mention the kids? The divorce? Is it vain to use the photo from your cousin's wedding five years ago, when you'd just had your hair done?

Here's the short version. Say you have kids, but leave out their names and photos. Mention the divorce in a line or not at all, and never mention the ex. Use your real age and photos from the last year or so. Then spend most of your effort on the part people skip: a few specific, true details that give a stranger something to reply to.

Being upfront about the big three (kids, divorce, age) does one useful thing. It filters out the people who were never going to work, before anyone has spent a Saturday finding out. At this stage of life, that's the whole point.

If you're stuck, you're in good company. In a survey the dating app Hinge ran with its own users, 63% said they had trouble knowing what to include on their profile (Hinge). The company's own data showed that in 2024, likes on written prompts were 47% more likely to lead to a date than likes on photos (Hinge). Your words matter more than you might think.

Kids: say it, and keep it simple

Lots of parents leave the kids out. In the UK, a survey of 1,021 single parents for the dating company eharmony found that 64% of those on dating sites didn't mention their children, and 28% worried their kids would be seen as "baggage" (eharmony). That's a company survey of British parents rather than Americans, but the worry will sound familiar.

Here's why it's still worth saying. Someone who doesn't want to date a parent will find out by the second date anyway, so you've only delayed the moment. And your kids shape your week. A match who knows you have them every other weekend won't take a cancelled Friday personally.

What to include: that you're a parent, roughly how old they are (little, teenagers, grown and gone), and how it affects your time if it does. If you're sure you do or don't want more children, it's fair to say that too.

What to leave out: names, schools, sports teams, and any photo of them, including the back-of-the-head shot at the beach. A profile is public. Your children didn't sign up for it.

A line like "Mom of two teenagers who think I'm much less funny than I am" says everything a match needs, with a bit of warmth thrown in.

Divorce: one line, or none

The relationship status field already covers it. If you'd like to add something, keep it short and point it forward: "Divorced a few years, on good terms, and ready for something new."

Leave out the ex completely, along with the reasons it ended and any line about what you won't put up with again. "No games," "no liars" and "must be over their ex" all read as warnings about the last relationship. A stranger can't tell whether you're wise or still angry, and most will assume the second.

If you're widowed, you can say so plainly, and how much more you share is up to you. Our guide to dating after losing your spouse talks through what to say and when.

Age: the real number, and recent photos

Use your real age. Most apps let people filter by age, so knocking off a few years mainly puts you in front of people who are looking for someone younger. It also means your first date opens with a confession. Neither is a good start.

The same goes for photos. Use ones from the last year or two that look like you on an ordinary Tuesday. Your best day in 2019 can stay in the album. The goal is for your date to recognize you as you walk in and feel pleased.

Hinge's own help page gives some useful pointers on what tends to work. Candid shots, smiles, photos that show your interests and photos with friends or pets tend to get more likes. Mirror selfies, filters, sunglasses and photos where someone could be mistaken for your partner tend to get fewer (Hinge).

A quick photo checklist:

• A clear, smiling photo of your face, no sunglasses, taken recently
• One that shows your whole body, so nobody is guessing
• One of you doing something you really do, whether that's gardening, kayaking or reading in a café
• One with friends where you're easy to find, and nobody in it is a former partner
• No photos of your kids, and no filters

Four to six good photos are plenty.

Prompts: specific enough to reply to

Most profiles fail in the same way. They list good qualities (kind, loyal, loves to laugh) that nearly everyone would claim. There's nothing to answer. One real detail does more than five adjectives, because it hands the reader a question to ask you.

Here's a before-and-after example. This profile is invented to show the idea. It isn't a real person.

Prompt: "A typical Sunday"

Before: "Relaxing, spending time with family and friends, maybe a walk."

After: "Farmers market by nine before the good tomatoes go, then a long afternoon losing at Scrabble to my fifteen-year-old."

Prompt: "About me"

Before: "Divorced mom of two, love to laugh, looking for a real man. No games."

After: "Mom of two teenagers, divorced a few years and in a good place. I teach high school chemistry, which means I'm very hard to shock. Looking for someone kind and curious who wants a proper relationship and would rather meet than text for weeks."

Prompt: "The way to win me over"

Before: "Make me laugh."

After: "Recommend a mystery novel I haven't read. I've worked through most of my library's shelf, so this is harder than it sounds."

Look at what changed. The kids are still there, with no names. The divorce gets half a sentence and sounds settled. "No games" is gone. And every answer now has a hook: which market, which novel, the chemistry teacher. Someone reading it knows exactly how to start a conversation.

How to sound like you

Write the first draft the way you'd text a good friend, then cut it in half. Short sentences are fine. A little humor helps, as long as it's yours.

Then show it to someone who knows you well and ask one question: "Does this sound like me?" If they laugh at the right line, keep it. If they say "you'd never say that," take it out.

If you'd like help from an AI tool, our guide to using ChatGPT on your dating profile shows where help stops and pretending starts.

One last pass before you post

Read the whole thing as if you were a stranger deciding whether to say hello. Your kids are mentioned, without names or photos. Your ex isn't. Your age is real and your photos are recent. There's at least one detail a person could ask you about. And there's nothing that gives away where you live, where you work or your full name, which you can share once you've met and feel comfortable.

Then post it, and let it work for a couple of weeks before you change anything. If you're still deciding where to put it, our guide to choosing between an app, a dating site or a matchmaker compares the options.