"I think I'm being scammed." What to do now, without shame

If you're reading this with a knot in your stomach, take a breath. You noticed something was off, and that's the hardest part. Most people never get this far before it costs them more.

Here's what you need to know first: this happens to clever, careful, kind people every single day. Nearly 1 in 10 adults over 50 has had an online romantic contact that led to a request for money or a push to invest in crypto (AARP, 2026). People reported $929.3 million lost to romance and confidence scams to the FBI in 2025 (FBI IC3 2025 Annual Report), and the real figure is higher, because most people never report it. In AARP's survey, 55% of cases where money was lost went unreported.

Scammers are professionals. Many work in teams, follow scripts and spend months building trust. Being fooled by a professional says far more about their skill than about your judgment.

Below are the signs to look for, then exactly what to do, in order. You can do every step today.

The signs it may be a scam

The Federal Trade Commission puts it simply: if an online love interest asks you for money, it's a scam (FTC). Here are the patterns that usually come before that ask, and the ask itself.

• They can't meet in person. There's always a reason: an oil rig, a military posting, a sick relative overseas. Or they set a date and cancel at the last minute, again and again.
• Video calls never quite happen. The camera is broken, the connection is bad, or the call lasts a few seconds.
• It moved fast. Big feelings within days, talk of a future together, "I've never felt this way."
• They wanted to leave the app. They asked you to switch to WhatsApp, Telegram or text early on, where the dating app can't see the messages.
• There's a crisis, then a request. A medical bill, a customs fee, a frozen account, a ticket to come and see you.
• They tell you how to pay. Gift cards, wire transfers, payment apps or cryptocurrency, all of which are hard to get back (FTC).
• There's an investment. They mention a trading app or a crypto platform that's made them rich, and offer to help you start small.
• They want it kept secret. They ask you not to tell family or friends, or get upset when you mention asking someone's advice.

One sign on its own can be innocent. Two or three together, especially with any request for money, are enough to act on.

Two quick checks you can do right now: search their photo with a reverse image search (Google Images or TinEye) to see if it appears under other names, and search their job plus the word "scammer" to see whether others have heard the same story (FTC).

What to do now, step by step

Do these in order. None of them needs you to be sure it's a scam. Acting on a strong suspicion is enough.

1. Stop sending money

Not one more payment, gift card or "last fee," however urgent it sounds or however sad the story. Scammers often say the next payment is the final one. It never is.

2. Don't confront them yet

It's tempting to tell them you know. Hold off for now. Confronting a scammer usually leads to more pressure, guilt or threats, and they may delete their profile and messages before you've saved them. You don't owe them an explanation. You can simply stop replying once you've done steps 3 to 5.

3. Save everything

Take screenshots of their profile, photos, messages, phone numbers, email addresses and usernames. Keep every receipt: bank transfers, gift card numbers and the cards themselves, crypto wallet addresses and transaction IDs. Put it all in one folder. Banks and investigators will ask for it.

4. Call your bank or payment company today

Tell them you paid a scammer and ask whether the payment can be stopped or reversed. The FTC's advice is to contact your bank or the company you paid through right away, whether that was a card, a wire, a gift card or a crypto exchange (FTC). The sooner you call, the better the chance. If you gave out bank or card details, ask them to secure your accounts too.

5. Report it

Reporting helps stop the same person from reaching someone else, and it creates a record you may need later.

• Federal Trade Commission: ReportFraud.ftc.gov
• FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center: ic3.gov, especially if you lost money or crypto
• The app or site where you met: use the report button on their profile so they can be removed
• Your local police, if you'd like a police report for your bank

If you want a person to talk it through with, AARP's Fraud Watch Network Helpline is free and open to anyone at 877-908-3360, Monday to Friday, 8 am to 8 pm Eastern (AARP).

Watch for the second scam

After a romance scam, many people are contacted by someone offering to get their money back, for a fee. They may say they're from a law firm, an advocacy group, a government agency or even the FTC. This is a second scam aimed at people who've just lost money. The FTC's advice is never to pay upfront for any recovery service. Work only with the police and your own bank, through phone numbers and websites you already know (ABC7 News, citing the FTC).

Look after yourself

The money is only part of it. Many people grieve the relationship itself, and that grief is real, because the feelings were real even though the person wasn't. Shame, anger and embarrassment are common too, and they're one reason so many cases go unreported.

A few things help:

• Tell one person you trust. Saying it out loud takes away a lot of its weight. People often react with far more kindness than you expect.
• Be as kind to yourself as you'd be to a friend. If your sister told you this had happened to her, you wouldn't call her foolish.
• Take a break from dating if you need one, and come back when you feel ready. When you do, our first-date safety checklist will help.
• Talk to your doctor or a counselor if you feel low most days, can't sleep or can't stop going over it. It's a normal reaction to a real loss, and support helps.

If you're worried about someone else

If you think a parent, friend or relative is being scammed, lead with care before proof. Ask questions instead of making accusations: "Have you been able to video call them?" "Has money come up?" People dig in when they feel judged. Send them this article, offer to sit with them while they call the bank, and keep the door open even if they're not ready to hear it yet.

You're not alone in this

You did the right thing by stopping to check. Whatever happens next, it's not too late to protect yourself, and you don't have to do it on your own.